HONEYMOON DIARY Pt. 2

DAY 6 - NAPLES (Amalfi Coast and Pompeii)
May 4, 2008

Want to know how we started this morning? Yep, we were up again at dawn-thirty. Way too early for two young newly weds who like to have a few drinks in the evening and sleep late in the morning. But, alas, up we were and away we went. Yesterday, we had a wonderful tour guide from Australia who moved to Italy 10 years ago because of the food and language. Yep, he wanted to learn to cook and speak Italian - so he moved here. I can follow that line of thought. Todays guide, well, he was probably very good, we think. He spoke English (we think), but with a very thick Italian accent and Wow! did that man speak fast! I would catch only one of two words every other paragraph or so. So Matt and I ignored him and started making up our own stories and picking on people. Really - you shouldn't leave the two of us up to our own devices. We're baaaaad!

We drove through Naples which was, hmph, how do I put this lightly? Um. Dirty and ugly and EW! Gladly, we were only driving through Naples and not actually stopping there. Our tour was of the Amalfi coast and you definitely know when you get there - let me tell you! One minute you're looking out the bus window at a nasty town and the next you're looking down a sheer cliff over the gorgeous Mediterranean Sea. And you go up and up and up and up on a street made for two motorcycles (barely) - not an enormous tour bus. Then suddenly you've got two tour buses, a couple of scooters, a truck on three wheels and a few pedestrians in one spot on this street made for 2 motorcycles. YOWZA!! The bus driver is my hero - that man missed some obstacles that scared the be-jeesus out of me - like the side of the mountain or other tour buses. Anyway, we maneuvered up this mountain with the stunning views over the Mediterranean sea and looked in amazement at the houses and farms (yes, I mean real farms - growing veggies and lemons and olives and such. No, I do not mean a garden). I have no idea how these people plant and harvest their crops but its very obvious that they are good at it and have been doing it on the side of a mountain for years. And no, I don't mean a slow/steady/slight incline up the side - I mean steep, way up there side of a mountain. A rocky mountain. Just check out the pictures, hopefully, we've done it some justice.

We stopped in a small town for an hour or so for a quick break (Sarrento, I think) where Matt and I bought some creamy Lemoncella. (For those of you who have not tried it, party at our house when we come back. Bring sleeping bags.) We also decided to get some ice cream....surprised, right? You shouldn't be if you know me at all. Anyway we went into a gelati shop and I ordered a scoop of cioccolato (Chocolate. Again, surprised?) and Nocciola (Hazelnut). Apparently, the Gelati Nazi behind the counter didn't think I knew what I wanted and informed me very harshly that I was ordering HAZEL NUT!..... DUDE! Just scoop the ice cream and if you don't like your job, get another one and leave me alone with my ice cream! Stupid Gelati Nazi. We took a picture of where he works for future reference in case anyway is visiting and wants to avoid him.

We stopped for lunch a bit later up the coast at a hotel where we had some yummy chicken and equally yummy wine. OH! And the flan - I like flan too. Yummy, yummy stuff.

After lunch, we headed to Pompeii. I've always wanted to see Pompeii. The stories have always fascinated me greatly and to see the casts of the bodies - Wow! (Yes, I know, call it morbid curiosity). I was not disappointed. Pompeii was astounding. To walk through the streets, still intact and see the buildings that are still standing was just too cool. We also got to go into the red-light district. Apparently, women weren't allowed in this area until 1977 because of the, um, well, porn on the walls. Or to put it more lightly - they had a "McDonalds menu" in frescos of what you could "order". Yes, we've got pictures. I opened my fat mouth and asked if a shake came with item #1 and how much was it to super-size #2. HA! I make me laugh. We also bought a 2009 "Erotic Pompeii" calendar because ancient porn is some funny stuff.


















On the way out of Pompeii, I stopped for a potty break at the WC. I paid my 0.50 Euros and proceeded to go about my business when I noticed a sign above the sink that said (and I'm not making this up) - "ABSOLUTELY NO FEET WASHING"! Damn. I thought I'd take a quick bath in the public restroom sink outside Pompeii. Seriously people, do these things really need to be said - or posted? Who does these things? And how often do you come across this washing of feet in the public restroom sink phenomenon? Never mind - forget I asked.



As a side note:

We haven't mentioned it before but it is now very obvious that this is the cruise of dopplegangers (look a-likes). We have seen John Voight as a woman, Will Farrell playing lead guitar, Steve Vahn on bass, Kato Kalin as a lead singer, Sean Connery (in Medicine Man), Eric Estrada, Greek Einstein, Teddy Kennedy.... I'm sure we'll find more before the cruise is over. We'll let you know.

It is also the cruise where Matt has randomly started lying to older people. (This cruise is mainly an older crowd. Which makes sense, they are the ones that can afford it for the most part.) We've had a LOT of people ask Matt if he plays or played ball. He just started saying yes and leaving it at that. He also told me the next time someone asks him if he plays ball because of his height, he is going to start asking them if they play miniature golf because they are so short. HA! I dare him!

Anyway, tomorrow we have a much needed day at sea. Then the next day, we're off to Santorini, Greece!!




DAY 7 & 8 - DAY AT SEA / SANTORINI, GREECE
May 6 & 7, 2008

So here we are on day 7. A full day at sea with no stops, and we are actually thankful for this, as we are worn out with all the walking up and down hills and long long days touring ruins and such. Someone should have told us that we needed 6 months of strength training before we left. No, it's not really that bad, but it is nice to have a day off. I need to tell you about Gonzalo. He is our cabin steward. This man is really good at his job (and extremely quick). We would literally walk out of our cabin to get breakfast, get info at the purser's desk, or just go upstairs to check the weather outside, and he would somehow have our bed made, room straightened, and bathroom totally cleaned and restocked by the time we got back. I swear, sometimes we were only gone for a few minutes!! His new nickname is "Speedy Gonzalo". Oh, and the real reason we love him is our first day on board, we had a camera bag with little padlocks on it, and a little key to open them, and our nice new camera inside. Yeah, well we lost the key on the taxi ride to the boat. Uh oh. We tried and tried to get the lock off to no avail. We found him in the hallway, and asked for a screwdriver or hammer or something to pop the lock (this lock must have been manufactured by NASA because there was no way we were getting this thing open. He sits down, and in a matter of minutes he has the lock open. Gonzalo, our hero!!

There is another crew member on board that I've just got to tell you about. He works in the dining room clearing plates, and boy does this guy love his job. I've never seen someone soooo excited to pick up a dirty plate in my life!! I call him Gunther (because he looks like a Gunther to me), but apparently his real name is Drako and he's from Serbia, we found out later. Lori just finished her plate of food, and he seriously comes running up, and says in a weird accent and a huge smile on his face, "I get to take your plate? Ooooooh!!" He left, and we both started dying laughing. This may be one of those 'you had to be there moments, but I know when Lori and I read this diary 20 years from now, it will still make us laugh.

Anyway, on our day at sea, we ate, relaxed, laid out on the deck and got suntanned, er... sunburned (ahem! Matt and his tender norwegian skin burned, I already have a pretty good tan so I just got a little pink), and just had a grand old time. The perfect day if you ask me. Then after we showered, we went to a wine tasting on the ship. This probably would have been okay, had it not been for the fact that we'd been in Italy for the last week with the best wine we'd ever had. Most of the wine they served us was from California, and call us spoiled, but it didn't even come close to the wine we had been drinking all week. Geez, I guess we are spoiled now that I think about it. So after the wine tasting, we walk around on the ship for a while.

We stopped off at one of the many lounges on board, and decide we would like some drinks. So Lori and I order a "Singapore Sling". The waitress asks if we want a small or large. Well large, of course, we're not driving. Holy cow! This was probably the biggest drink I've ever had. And very tasty. So we're sitting there drinking our alcoholic Big Gulps, and the waitress comes by and asks if we would like some pretzels or peanuts to chew on with our drinks. I say peanuts and Lori says pretzels, so she says she'll bring both. As we're enjoying our snacks and drinks - along comes Julie, our assistant cruise director. Let me tell you about this character. If Grace Jones and Brigitte Neilson had a love child, Julie would be the offspring. Super tall with short, spiky, bleach blonde hair, and a British accent. She walks up and spots our peanuts and pretzels, and shouts out the phrase, "Oooh, I'm going to get me some nipply bits too!!!" It was all Lori and I could do to hold back the laughter until she was out of earshot, then we were almost rolling on the floor. (There was some debate over whether she said 'nibbly bits' or 'nipply bits'. I heard nipply bits, probably because I thought it was funnier, but either way, it was damn funny). As a side note, apparently Julie (Brigitte Neilson) is dating the lead singer of the lounge band (Kato Kailin). After our drinks, Lori decided she was drunk tired and went back to the room. I decide that this is my chance to head to the casino.

I put my $20 in the nickel slot machine called Jackpot Party and receive 400 credits. So I'm playing for about five minutes, and I hit the jackpot (1000 credits, $50). I was excited until I hit the change button... This is when the machine decides it would be funny to make a lot of noise while it loudly drops 1300 nickels into the metal coin holder.... at the same time blasting out "Macho Man" by the Village People*. Yeah, I had about 10 people gathered around me. I couldn't have felt less manly at this moment if I was wearing a dress. "Macho macho man.. I want to be a macho man..." Humiliation ensues. I cash in my nickels and slink back to our cabin. Enough fun for one day.

* In a weird coincidence(?), seen in the picture, the Village People slot machine says "Watch Out For Poopers".

We wake up the next day, go to get breakfast, and through the giant picture windows, see the beautiful view of the Island of Santorini, Greece. Lush green hills interspersed with bone-white buildings with bright blue shutters and roofs, overlooking the clear blue water of the Mediterranean, a beautiful sight. Trust me, the pictures you've seen don't do it justice. After breakfast, we leave the cruise ship, take a small boat to the island and wait in line for a cable car to take us to the top of the island. There are three ways to get to the top: by cable car, walking up the steep ramps about an hour climb, or riding a donkey up the ramps. We spared the donkey much grief, and opted for the cable car. The cable car doors open, Lori gets on and I follow. I'm literally halfway in and the doors start closing rapidly. I see this, and with cat-like reflexes, (HA!! I love this guy but "cat-like reflexes" he does not possess. It's pretty much "bull in china shop" all the time with Matt. Yet, I will admit, this time, he may have a bit quicker than usual.) pull the rest of my body inside. I was about a half second away from having my arm severed, which would have made the rest of the trip quite awkward. Anyway, we made it to the top, and took a stroll through the narrow streets. Lori and I immediately fell in love with Santorini. When we were touring Livorno and the Tuscan countryside, we were convinced we would have to move there someday, until we saw Santorini, and changed our minds. (Unfortunately, there is probably not a great need for a chemical engineer and a video editor here).

We kept saying to each other that it's impossible to take a bad picture in Santorini. Every corner you turn is more beautiful and photogenic than the last. I don't think we even remotely did this island any justice but we tried. It was truly and fantastically beautiful place. So, what do we do in this fantastically beautiful place? We find a small, family owned restaurant over looking the Mediterranean Sea and have ourselves a yummy lunch. We split a greek salad (which, btw, is made of tomatoes, onions, cucumbers, green bell peppers and feta with Olive oil and vinegar. There is none of this lettuce and potato salad business that we have in the US) - Matt orders spaghetti and I have one of my favorites, Mousaka. We also ordered half a carafe of their homemade red wine. OH! MY! WORD! I was a very happy little girl. Everything was so good. The problem with going to all these family owned restaurants is they make their own wine which they don't sell bottled only within the restaurant. Sigh. Honestly, that's been some of the best wine we've had so far.

After lunch we continued strolling around the island, Matt playing Pope Snappy and I playing Princess Snappy (as Matt has named me). Eventually, and sadly, it came time to head back to the ship. We decided this time to take the stairs down (or ramp as Matt called it - we're actually both right) - ON FOOT, again sparing the donkeys. So off we go, being harrassed by the men pushing donkey rides on us, threatening us with a long, horrible trek down - then we get to the horde of donkeys. They're all just mulling around blocking the way down the steps - all stomping and grunting and tail swishing and it's a just a touch intimidating when you're surrounded by no less then 25 asses. (This is also the time that Matt takes a picture and yells from behind me - still clear of the donkeys - "At least this time I'm not the only Ass with you!"....HMPH!). Lori didn't mention the part about her walking ahead of me and scaring the donkey just as I was behind him. The donkey flinched, and I nearly needed some new Huggies. But I digress. Anyhoo - I bravely made it through the donkeys and realized that the steps are covered with donkey pooh all the way down - and it smells lovery!, I swear. Anyway, on I press. About half way down, approx. 30 minutes, Matt decides to almost bite it down the steps and scares the bah-jeeesus out of me. (Yeah, but with my ninja-like balance, I managed to stay on two feet. Hwwaaaaaahhhh!) Then we decide that whoever had the bright idea to walk down the steps should be shot. But, since it was a mutual decision, we were screwed. Heads hung, we continued our trek. FINALLY! We make it all the way down the 580 steps with shaky legs and are grateful to be met by the tender boat to take us back "home" for a much needed shower and nap.

We take a nap, then hit the buffet for dinner. Much to my happiness, they have "German night", which consists of about 10 different types of weiners and sausages, and I tried them all because lord knows how much I like weiners and sausages... (Go ahead and make your own jokes, Lori did. Just make sure you post it in the comments section, thanks.) : - ) They were all different sizes and types, but they were all delicious. (Oh grow up already). Seriously they were good., but I was a little confused because they also had "weiner schnitzel' which we all know is clearly homemade Italian fare (see 'DAY 2 - ROME and giggle along with us now). I think that just about wraps up our day in the Santorini port, tomorrow we will be in Kusadasi, Turkey.


KUSADASI, TURKEY - DAY 9
May 8, 2008

This is the day we realize that we signed up to see waaaaaaaay too many ruins on these excursions. They are all starting to look the same. Don't get me wrong. They are all very neat and it is truly amazing that they have survived in such conditions for thousands of years. This place, Ephesus, was no different. It was all very OOOOOoooooh-y and AAAAaaaaaa-y but this trip will best be remembered by the amount of stupidity that surrounded us. It is known to be 40 square miles in size and only 6 miles has been excavated. It is in fantastic shape with many of the buildings able to be reassembled with original pieces to look as they did when they were originally standing. It is probably one of the best sites to really get a good feel for what these ancient cities looked like - as opposed to see just a bunch of rubble on the ground and what could be the foundation of a long lost structure. ANYWAY.....

As I mentioned before, this cruise population is primarily an older crowd - which to me, I think wisdom, right? Yeh, not so much with this crowd. All day long, Matt and I were shaking our heads at the comments or questions that were being shot at the tour guide. I will give you a few examples that stand out:

Scenario #1:
Guide: (explaining how all the pieces/parts of the library building were found and have been reassembled in it's original form)
Questioner #1: What's holding it up?
(Matt said that he saw one of my eyes shoot out of my head in an awkward angle when this lady asked this question. Trust me. It was not her first or her last stupid question. What was running through my head was, "Equal and opposite forces and maybe a few pieces of rebar")

Scenario #2:
Questioner #1: Do you have snakes here?
Guide: Yes, we have snakes in Turkey.
Questioner #1: (in a very frantic tone) HERE?! RIGHT NOW?!
Me: (under my breath to Matt) Yes, dumbass, there are snakes all over the world, even in your pretty little privileged neighborhood.

Scenario #3:
Guide: (explaining where the Brothel was and showing us the "signs" in the walkway that pointed to the brothel)
Questioner #1: Now, what is this? Oh, this is pointing to Pompeii (which also has a Brothel)? Right? Pompeii?
Guide: (pointing to the brothel we just walked through) No, this brothel.
Questioner #1: Pompeii?
(the guide gave up at this point in time)
Questioner #2: The wives had to know about this. Why didn't they do anything about it? They should have done something about it!
Me: (under my breath to Matt) And what do you propose? It's the same "oldest profession in the world" that you aren't doing anything about now either! Huff....head starting to hurt.

Scenario #4:
Guide: (explaining all the sarcophagi that have been found and are displayed in a field)
Questioner #2: Were there any remains that can be identified?
Me: So we can match them to their pictures or are we going the DNA route?
(Yes, I know this is could be a valid question but I was SO over these people at this point in time that everything they said irritated me.)

There were so many more questions that could have made this list. It was just one of those days. Matt and I decided that they were taking turns pissing us off. Either by standing in the picture we were trying to take, even after we politely asked them to move or by asking stupid questions. As you can tell, we have two individuals here that were spear heading the effort. As an added bonus, Questioner #2 and her husband got separated from the group (due to lack of attention) and gave the guide holy hell about it when they caught up. Now, maybe I'm wrong but, when you're the only two to get lost out of the 30+ others who have managed to stay together, maybe you need to pay attention and quit wandering off. (I actually saw these two get left behind and no, I didn't realize that they didn't know where we were going next but honestly, I was so fed up with them and their combined rudeness that I can't say I cared. This is where Matt and I started saying "NMP" which equals NOT MY PROBLEM!)

The rest of the day went on and on the same. Matt and I becoming increasingly bitter. We visited what is expected to be the last residence of the Virgin Mary and walked through it. We also walked past the wishing wall which is very very hard to miss. Seriously, big huge stone wall with white pieces of paper stuck to it by the thousands where people have written their greatest wishes - at least 10 feet high and 15 feet long.

Husband of Questioner #2: Where is the wishing wall?
Guide: (pointing) Right here
Husband: Where?
(he is standing in front of it - dead center)
Guide: (still pointing) right there
Husband: (Turning) Oh! What's that stuff all over it.
(this was the guy looking forward to seeing the wishing wall and all the wishes all over it)

From here, we moved on to St. John's Basilica. I didn't realize that this place was another set of ruins but this one was particularly neat for a number of reasons.
#1. It still has the marble slab placed over the grave of St. John by Emperor Justinian and it looked in greatshape.
#2. I really got a feel for what it looked like which is hard to do with ruins sometimes.
#3. It's on a cliff over looking the city - even cooler.
#4. There were some very cute little black kitties hanging out there. Which leads me to my next tale...

I was wandering around the basilica when I came upon this cute little black kitty just begging for a scratch. Matt sat on the step in front of me to take pictures of me scratching this cutie when he got up, walked over to Matt, then ONTO Matt, curled up and laid his little head on Matt's chest and went to sleep. It was the absolute cutest thing! We sat there for a few minutes before moving on but, the kitty didn't take too lightly to Matt moving because he screamed at Matt as he tried to move him - which caused Matt to toss this poor kitty.

On our way back to the boat, we stopped at a Turkish carpet store where they showed how these carpets are hand-made and explained how to tell the difference between wool on wool or wool on cotton, etc. In fact, there was one carpet that Matt and I liked that was silk on silk and we were told it took 2 girls 3.5 years to make. Because of the way these are made and no two girls do it the same way, one rug is made by one girl for the most part. This was all very neat and the rugs were absolutely beautiful. Matt and I found several we would have loved to have, if we knew where we would be living, weren't planning on kids and had a large random amount of money running around. As the group started to disperse from the carpet shop, it started to get an eeeery high pressure sales group feel. Seriously, one couple told us that they were eyeing the silk on silk carpet that was approximately 5x8 and was told $28K!! By time the talked their way out of it, they had gotten "pushed" into an enclosed room with several men and the final offer was $9K on the carpet. WOW!

Back on the boat, we napped and cleaned up for dinner but, we were feeling a bit, um, nutty. What do two people do, locked up in their cabin, on board a large ship after being around way too many rude stupid people all day? Well, let me tell you...make a towel bunny**. Yep. That's right. We made our very own, somewhat crude towel bunny which we named "Mr. NASTY", dressed him, took lots of pictures of him and then left him for our cabin steward. It was obviously time for a drink - or two or three...

We made our way to the Martini bar where the drink menu said "Tee Many Martoonies" which made me want one. I've never been much of a Martini drinker but then again, I'm not a gin or a vodka fan but on occasion, I get a wild hair. So I started drinking Martini's (eh, they're a bit much for me) and Matt inquired about the beer selection. This is where we noticed that Dos Equis (a mexican beer) is CHEAPER than Budweiser on this cruise. HA? So, guess what Matt was drinking? Dos Equis. We don't usually buy Dos Equis or Corona because of that whole pinching penny thing I keep fussing about. I might have to make an exception on beer though, right after we pay off what this cruise is costing us. Anyway, back to the drinking. After a few Martini's I looked at Matt and informed him that I really need to eat on food. What I meant was I should drink with food in my stomach. Suddenly, the "TEE MANY MARTOONIES" made complete sense! Off we went to put food in me and prepare for the next day.

** On Carnival Cruises the Stewards will make cute little critters out of towels, sometimes accessorized with sunglasses and such then leave them on your bed at night. Princess doesn't do this and we kind of missed it.