Drama 1: I have decided to stop nursing my daughter. Let me rephrase this, my body decided to stop nursing my daughter. Despite my best efforts to keep it up, my production has been decreasing steadily over the past month. It finally became clear that there was nothing I could do to stop it. I held out to the very end but, last week, there was nothing left. Even though it was obvious that this was coming. I was SO not ready. It's been a week now and as liberating as it is to not have to drag my pump around to work and such, it bugs me that somewhere deep in my subconcious, I thought this was the right decision. Obviously, the subconcious and the concious me are not on speaking terms. I miss the closeness and quiet time with my baby.
Drama 2: Matt has a few editing jobs coming his way over the course of the next few months. The money these will bring will be a big help and I'm sure, after 2 months of playing Mr. Mom full-time, he is ready for a change of pace. So on Tuesday, I will be dropping Stella off at daycare for the first tme. Daycare. Strangers taking care of my girl. Strangers! AAAaaahhhhhhhhh.
I've visited this place and met/talked with the owner several times. She has come highly recommended and is willing to be very flexible when it come to our sporatic scheduling needs. I have been perfectly fine with this decision until now.
Stella is at the age where separation anxiety is just beginning. It will absolutely break my heart to walk away from her while she is crying because a stranger has her. I plan on melting into a puddle of tears the second I get in my car.
Strangers. Watching my girl. Nope. I'm not ready for this. Not ready at all.