Ow.

If anyone out there has a direct line to the headache gods, please tell them to leave me the "beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep" alone.

I've had migraines for as long as I can remember. I was officially diagnosed when I was 13 and though they have changed a bit over the years, they have been an ever present force in my life. I remember the night my Mother decided I needed to see a doctor. I woke my parents up screaming as loud as I could in the middle of the night because I couldn't handle the pain any longer and didn't know what else to do. Of course, my parents came flying into my room. After explaining why I was screaming - My Mom looked at my Dad and said, "Enough! We've got to get her to the doctor for these headaches." The next day, my Mother was on the phone scheduling appointments for me.

They were much more intense back then, and longer lasting but less frequent. There was none of this coming and going, no variation in intesity, just full-on nausea, light sensitivity, and the pain. The pain was/is indescribable - just breathing hurt. The only way I can think to explain the pain is to imagine the absolute worse throbbing pain you've ever experienced and multiply it by 100. Then, on top of that, imagine a wave of pain 1000 times worse than the throbbing pain crashing inside your skull on regular intervals just like a huge wave crashing to shore. Got it? Yeh, it's loads of fun.
Anyway, now they are different. The pain, although horrible, isn't as bad as it used to be. Neither is the nausea and light-sensitivity. Not that they are better, just different. In my younger years, I knew exactly what to expect. Not so much now. I never know how bad it's going to be or how long one of these things are going to last. Many times it's a coming/going thing, of various intensities, that lasts anywhere from a few hours to a couple of weeks. Yeh, that's right, I said weeks. There have been plenty of times I was feeling fine until I stood up then WHAM! ON MY KNEES with a searing burning hot poker in my head twisting, turning and throbbing with every heartbeat.

For instance, today we went to see my beloved Buccaneers beat the snot out of the Atlanta Falcons and witnessed history when Michael Spurlock ran back a 90 yard kickoff return - a first in Bucs history. (WOOT!) We had a great time tail-gating and during the game. We stopped for pizza on the way home and plopped into our favorite chairs when we got home. And then, I stood up. WHAM! Sigh.

This particular one has been lingering since Thursday, on again/off again. Not tragically painful but extremely disrupting nontheless. My arsenal of medication has helped keep it somewhat at bay, but it has never been completely gone. I'm grateful that it decided to let me enjoy various parts of my weekend, but not knowing when it is going to rear it's ugly head is getting old. I've realized how much of my life is dictated by these things and I'm over it. I can't leave home without several medications on hand. None of which work all that well and some with side effects that are almost as unpleasant as the migraine itself.

You know what? How messed up is it that I'm ok with a headache being kept "somewhat at bay"? That just shows how long I've been dealing with these things. I'm accustomed to walking around with a headache! That's just wrong.

Anyway, I've made myself a doctor's appointment for next Friday and I plan on begging for ANYTHING that will help. I'm sure this is going to be quite an expensive, drawn out process as we try to find something that actually works with as few side effects as possible, but I can't live like this anymore. Poor Matt has seen me too many times curled up on the couch crying and feeling bad because there was nothing he could do. I don't want one of these things to pop up during our wedding or honeymoon and I would prefer they just go away forever. I'm tired of living my life around these headaches. Not to mention, they aren't helping the pre-wedding diet/workouts when I spend so much time having to lie on the couch. And I spend at least a good week, on average, every month dealing with these things.

I guess it's time to end this rant. Thanks for listening, um, reading. I'll let you know if this doctor actually finds something that works. Now, hopefully, we'll get back to our regularly scheduled programming. (Guess you guys thought I was going to whine about the wedding again, huh? Nope! I would much rather plan the wedding than deal with these things!)